youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
