Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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