I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
