Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
