OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
