no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
