I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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