I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
