Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
