I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
