youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
