i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
