I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
