i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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