Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
