Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
