He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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