just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
