I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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