I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
