the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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