I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
