Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Randomize
