It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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