Having a random hookup so left but love u
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
