I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
