Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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