i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
