my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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