just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can't special order awesome
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
