So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
