Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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