We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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