The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
