I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
