Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can I color on your dick again?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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