I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
