dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
