The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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