Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
