best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
