Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
