he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
