What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
