Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
