I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
