last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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