I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love you.
Bad choice
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
