I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
