I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
